Mommy My Hero ♥

I was having a great day, actually my whole week has been great. I’ve barely had any anxiety attacks, and my depression was staying under control. When I went shopping today with my mother I had a melt down in the grocery store we were at. Thank goodness she was there to be by my side. I honestly don’t know what I would do without her. She’s such a caring, strong willed and loving person. I truly am lucky to have her as my mother. Don’t get me wrong our relationship isn’t always wonderful. We often fight like sisters, but I know when to draw the line… most times that is lol! Growing up it was mostly just her and I, we’ve been through a lot which has brought us close together. I can proudly say she’s my best friend! I tell her more than I tell anyone, and if I keep something from her I feel guilty. I can’t think of one thing I’ve never told her haha! A lot of my friends envy my relationship with my mother, but sometimes being too close can have its ups and downs. I wouldn’t change our relationship for the world, but sometimes having a mom as a best friend can be hard! Especially when they are trying to be a parent!

I'm not sure what set off my anxiety attack today... Mom and I were having a great time shopping and talking, then all of a sudden I started to panic. My mouth started to get dry and it fellt like there were millions of tiny cotton balls in my mouth. I ran to the bathroom to drink out of the tap, but it didn't help. My throat felt like it was closing, my heart was pounding and I couldn't think straight. My whole state of mind was jumbled, I felt like I was in a dream land... I would even pinch my skin to see if I was alive or dreaming. I started crying and panicking... Nothing felt real. I felt as if I was sleeping and couldn't wake up. My mom helped me out of the store and calmed me down. It took awhile before I was completely out of my attack, but at least it didn't last as long as usual. I don't know what I would have done if my mom wasn't there tonight. She understands all about my disorder since she suffers from it too, so she can easily relate.

I'm so nervous to go out again... I feel like my attacks will come on stronger and I won't be able to control it. I fear that I will freak out and everyone will see me, I want to stay home and hide and never leave. Sleeping all the time actually sounds really comforting... Too bad I couldn't just sleep this disorder away. Wouldn't that be nice??

I just want to send out a BIG thank you to my super hero awesome mom! She has always been there for me and I can't thank her enough. She truley is an angel, at least in my eyes she is. If it wasn't for her, I would be even more nutty than I am! Let's just say, I'm a little too nutty as it is!