I've been told many times one of the best ways to heal is to let things out. I've finally decided it was time I started a blog, hopefully by having this blog it will help me feel more alive and understand myself more. I'm a very lost individual at the moment, I'm not looking for pity or sympathy... I'm just looking for a way to help myself heal. I've decided to keep this blog from my friends and loved ones. I want to be anonymous and not be judged by people I know and care about. My goal is to become a stronger individual by letting my true feelings out, it's about time I opened up.
I've been on antidepressants since I was a teenager. It may numb the pain and horrible thoughts that pop into my brain, but it doesn't fully cover up everything. I've been diagnosed with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) depression, anxiety and ADD (Attention-Deficit Disorder) I hate that I'm labelled, but I have to deal with it. I just wish I didn't have to depend on medication to balance me out. I want to live my life without being in a hazy fog all the time. The medication I'm taking is starting to overpower me... I feel it's taking over my soul. Deep down inside I know my real self is there, but with all the meds I've been on over the years I'm not sure who me is. I took myself off the medication I've been taking for years months ago, but that was horrible idea. I had a major melt down and am still not back on track. My body is here, but my mental thinking isn't. One minute I feel alive, and the next I'm in a dream land or thinking I need to make myself breathe. I've developed a new obsession that I wish I didn't have. I feel I have to make myself breathe in order to live... Almost every minute of everyday I'm concenntrating on breathing. I can't do anything without feeling this way. I'm hoping this obesssiong will fade.
I'll write more later when I have time.
I hope this helps me, who knows...
Maybe I'll even make a few friends on here.
I've been on antidepressants since I was a teenager. It may numb the pain and horrible thoughts that pop into my brain, but it doesn't fully cover up everything. I've been diagnosed with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) depression, anxiety and ADD (Attention-Deficit Disorder) I hate that I'm labelled, but I have to deal with it. I just wish I didn't have to depend on medication to balance me out. I want to live my life without being in a hazy fog all the time. The medication I'm taking is starting to overpower me... I feel it's taking over my soul. Deep down inside I know my real self is there, but with all the meds I've been on over the years I'm not sure who me is. I took myself off the medication I've been taking for years months ago, but that was horrible idea. I had a major melt down and am still not back on track. My body is here, but my mental thinking isn't. One minute I feel alive, and the next I'm in a dream land or thinking I need to make myself breathe. I've developed a new obsession that I wish I didn't have. I feel I have to make myself breathe in order to live... Almost every minute of everyday I'm concenntrating on breathing. I can't do anything without feeling this way. I'm hoping this obesssiong will fade.
I'll write more later when I have time.
I hope this helps me, who knows...
Maybe I'll even make a few friends on here.
3 comments:
Welcome to the blogsphere. I find blogging very therapeutic and it has been a tremendous help. I too am anonymous because I write about my abuse and don't want my family especially my mother to read it.
Regarding labels, they are if you let them be. I always say I am a person who has been diagnosed with...just like any other medical ailment. It helps me to get a handle on reality.
The medication fog...talk to your psychiatrist because there maybe something that can be done or it may not be "normal." You never know until you talk.
Good luck to you and take care. See you around.
Clueless
Nothing wrong with being anonymous. It can help you feel free to express whatever you want or need. I second the talk to your psychiatrist thing about the meds. Can't hurt to ask at least.
Wow, I'm shocked you two have actually came by and read my blog! I didn't think anyone would care enough to read it... then leave a comment to boot! It means a lot to me :) I think I'm really starting to like this place ♥
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